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Pre-birthday Emotional Roller Coaster

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My birthday is knocking at the door which leaves me in a complete emotional confusion. My pre-birthday anxiety started too early because I still have plenty of time till 18th of March. Yet, here I am, drowning in my own thoughts.

I couldn’t help myself but ask why I am so sensitive about turning 30. Every article that I read keeps on promoting: “30s are the new 20s”. Yes, maybe mentally wise.

If I compare where in life my mum was at my age, I can certainly say that I am running behind her trying to catch up… but not really. She already had me when she was 23 years old, by age of 30 she was in the beginning of her business which later on paid off in various ways. She bought a flat where we lived together and was still able to travel quite a lot and please have in mind that in those years Bulgarian citizens needed visa to do so.

On the other hand, I have dedicated my 20s to find myself. A decade of personal growth, mistakes, a constant searching and learning. It’s funny how I always thought that by age of 28 I’ll be married with a kid, having my own business and traveling around the world. The reality that I have chosen, however, is a bit different. For me finding the right person mattered the most so I wouldn’t settle for anybody but that one special man who my soul recognizes. Traveling was always part of my life but when it comes to career dedication, I feel like I found my focus just lately.

Life never turns out the way you expect. And that’s the beauty of the unknown. I am grateful for my blessings and I still have dreams that I work for and hopefully they will all happen soon. Instead of writing disastrous scripts in my mind, I should be more accepting of myself. In the end, I chose my road by myself and I walked on it through good and bad.

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